About me
My name is Crystal Lee Cooper. I'm seventeen years old. I have red hair and hazel eyes and I am five-and-a-half feet tall.
I live in what may possibly qualify as one of the biggest holes on earth (not literally, that would probably be the Grand Canyon or something). Actually, I live about half an hour from Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. Officially, Queensland's the sunshine state. The media call it the conservative state. Everyone else calls it the redneck state. Brisbane is the capital city, and it boasts that it's the "most livable city in Australia". According to an official study, it's the fifth most liveable after Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra and Adelaide. I'll paraphrase Luke Skywalker here, and say that if there's a bright center to the universe, I am at the place farthest from it. This is, of course, just my opinion. Some people like Brisbane.
I have a twin sister called Erica and a six year old brother named Jordan. My mother owns a dog, which is named Cooper. I don't really like Cooper because all he does is bark and slobber on things, and chase birds. If I had a pet chicken, he would kill it. I want a white chicken so I can dye its feathers rainbow with food dye. My grandmother did this and it's very cool looking. It does not hurt the chicken. Chickens are also good because they lay eggs. They are much more useful than a dog. My mother won't listen to this argument.
Even though I can't vote yet, I have some interest in politics. On November 6th 1999, Australia held a referendum asking whether we should secede from the Commonwealth. If I had voted in the referendum, my answer would have been yes. I am firmly anti-monarchist. Moreover, I strongly dislike our prime minister, little Johnny Howard, who is a monarchist. John Howard has been called the most boring man in Australia. I would like to add to this statement and call him one of the biggest liars in Australia, as well as one of the least effective public speakers.
I like lots of bands. My favourite ones are:
- Ben Folds Five: I can proudly say that the first CD I ever brought was BF5's self-titled. The trio (not, not five) are made up of the piano man Ben Folds, the drummer (and Turkish gong hitter) Darren Jessee and the bassist Robert Sledge. They've released four CD's, and I heartily recommend all of them. They have certainly mellowed out lately, with their latest CD, the (strangely titled) Unauthorized Biography Of Reinhold Messner, which was made up primarily of the ballady type songs, but it still leaves most bands in the dust. If you want to see a really good live show, they're the band to see as well. I can testify to that, because I've seen them twice (yes, I'm bragging). I have a website called Coming Up For Air that is dedicated to them.
- They Might Be Giants: How can you not love a band with John Linnell in it? Oh, okay, I like Flansburgh too. The Brooklyn-based two-piece (both named John) have been releasing albums since 1986. Since then, they've released a number of CD's, including the mp3-only release, Long Tall Weekend (available from http://www.emusic.com. I find that the biggest problem with TMBG is the tendency of all their songs to get stuck in your head, and they repeat incessantly until you feel like screaming. But it's okay because they're good songs.
- Marcy Playground: Absolutely sublime. They're headed up by lead singer John Wozniak, guitar is handled by Dylan Keefe while drums are played by Dan Reiser. I think everyone should own their self-titled album (yes, the one with that sex and candy song). Go and buy it, you won't regret it.
- Moxy Früvous: They're a Canadian four piece sort-of-folk band. The members are Mike Ford, Murray Foster, Jian Ghomeshi and Dave Matheson. They all take turns at vocals, but I like Murray's best. Their music has lots of harmonies and other good stuff. Their CD Live Noise is the best live CD I've ever heard.
- Belle and Sebastian: None of them are named Belle or Sebastian. They named themselves after a book by Madame Cecile Aubry called Belle et Sebastien, which was also made into a cartoon series. I remember watching the cartoon when I was little, I used to like it. Anyway, back to the band. They're from Scotland, and don't do a lot of publicity or tours. They play introspective, beautiful music. The melodies are beautiful, the lyrics are sharp, they're all you'd want in a band. Stuart Murdoch's beautiful voice leads most songs, with a lot of harmonies and a few lead vocals done by Isobel Campbell. There's also some amusingly Trainspotting-like spoken word done by Stuart David.
- Ani DiFranco: I'm not really one for the hugely feminist perspective, but I like a lot of Ani's other ideals. I saw her play at the Concert Hall in Brisbane, and I really liked what she was saying. I don't really recall what she played, but I do remember what she talked about. She spoke about the things we're taught when we're young. Like when the teacher showed you a picture of three apples and an orange and asked you, "which one is different, which one is wrong?". It was really interesting to hear her talk about that sort of thing, that we're taught from a very young age that different is wrong. I also remember one other thing she said, after stating some really obvious facts she explained that her theme for the evening was "stating the obvious" and what she said after that kind of stuck in my mind - "I set my goals low and then impress myself." I liked the theory.
I spend a lot of time reading. Mostly I re-read books that I liked when I was younger, which is why I like so many children's fantasy novels. I should probably try to get a more sophisticated taste in reading. But I won't because those little kids books are more fun. My favourite books are:
- The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul by Douglas Adams: The second story about the holistic detective Dirk Gently. In this one, Dirk's investigating the spontaneous explosion of an airline check-in desk, which has been designated as an act of god. This would have to be my favourite Douglas Adams book. It's very well written. The plot is complex, and so many little things which seem unrelated all end up being tremendously important. The typical Douglas Adams humour is good, but the themes are what I liked best. I love the part which compares the whales songs to the movements of gods. When I first read that part, I thought about it for a long time. To paraphrase Kate's feeling about the park, I came away with a very profound sense of something. If you haven't read this book, you should go and read it now.
- Stardust by Neil Gaiman: This is a really pretty fantasy story. Nice and simplistic, but very very good nonetheless. It's a fairy tale, with something about it that reminds me of stories I read when I was a child, except that it's a little darker than a real child's story would be, with witches and murder and the like.
- the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis: Some relative gave me the Magician's Nephew for my sixth birthday, and I've loved them since then. The Horse and His Boy is the best one. It's funny. But they're all good, and I would recommend them to any age.
- The Snow Spider Trilogy by Jenny Nimmo: The quintessential boy magician versus the evil prince. The three books are based heavily on Welsh mythology, but are set in the late twentieth century. I think that the second book, Emlyn's Moon, is the best one.
- The Chronicles of Prydain by Alexander Lloyd: A story set in the imaginary world of Prydain. It's about a boy named Taran, who was an orphan raised by a wizard named Dallben. There are five separate stories which show Taran growing up and eventually defeating the evil Arawn. Disney made a cartoon, The Black Cauldron, which was based on the first and second books in the series. Unfortunately, it was given to typical Disney treatment (that is, watered down, sugared and caramelised) until all of the things which made the novel work made the movie suck. This is why I don't like Disney.
- the Anne of Green Gables books by L.M. Montgomery: I got the whole set for my 10th birthday. I used to want to move to Prince Edward Island because of them. My favourite one is Rilla of Ingleside, which is about Anne's youngest daughter and is set during World War One. It's a good mix of humour and sadness, and I think it's a much stronger book than all of the others.
- I, Jedi by Michael A. Stackpole: My favourite Star Wars book. It's the story of Jedi Knight Corran Horn rescuing his kidnapped wife Mirax. I like this book, because it has a sense of humour about it. The hero's imperfect in ways that can be understood, unlike some characters in other books who never seem to make mistakes. The use of first person is also interesting, and it gives the book a more personal perspective on events than the third person approach does. Mike Stackpole is my favourite Star Wars author. He wrote the five of the X-Wing series, scripted the Rogue Squadron comics, and wrote the Dark Tide duology for the New Jedi Order series. All of these books are pretty good.
- the X-Wing series - numbers 1-4, and 8, by Michael A. Stackpole, and numbers 5-7, and 9 by Aaron Allston: These are good. Instead of the stupid, huge, unbelievable problems that generally assault the New Republic, the X-Wing books deal with smaller problems and issues. The first four books deal with Rogue Squadron, and their fight to capture the capital planet, Coruscant, from the current leader of the Empire, the head of Imperial Intelligence, Ysanne Isard (known as Iceheart). The books then chronicle their struggle to save Coruscant from a plague that is killing the alien population of the planet. The next three books are about Wraith Squadron, a commando/pilot unit put together to hunt down a warlord named Zsinj. The eighth book concerns Isard again. The last book tells of the struggle to get a planet called Adumar to join the New Republic. There's humour sprinkled liberally throughout all of the books ("Yub yub, Lieutenant."). In my opinion though, one of the things that I like most about them is that people die. That sounds harsh, but really, they are at war. It makes it a whole lot more suspenseful if you're not sure that your favourite character's going to make it to the next book.
My favourite movies are:
- the Star Wars movies: I even liked the Phantom Menace (except Jar Jar). My grade nine history teacher described it as "George Lucas playing cowboys and indians in space". He's probably right, but you've still got to love it. May the Force be with you...
- Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: It's just a really good action movie, starring Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, River Phoenix, and the worst blue-screening since I don't know when. It's also made by Lucasfilm, George Lucas' company, which is good.
- The Labyrinth: I could recite every word of this movie when I was little. It's about a girl called Sarah, who wishes for the goblin king to take away her baby brother. The goblin king does, and when Sarah realises what she has done, she appeals to the goblin king to give him back. Because the goblin king is in love with her, he gives her thirteen hours to find her way through the labyrinth to his castle where he has hidden the baby. Sarah meets up with a dwarf called Hoggle, a furry monster named Ludo, and others, who help her to overcome the goblin king and get her baby brother back. The goblin king is played by David Bowie. It's almost worth seeing the movie just for his hair. All of the puppets are made by Jim Henson's company, and George Lucas also works on it. By the way, it's honestly just a coincidence, all of these George Lucas movies I like. But they lead me to believe that the man's a genius.
- Trainspotting: I like this mostly because I admire Ewan McGregor. It's a good black humour movie, and it makes a lot of really good points about society in general.
- Edward Scissorhands: Possibly the strangest premise for a movie I've ever heard: an inventor builds a robot named Edward (played by Johnny Depp with lots of makeup on), gives him scissors for hands whilst he builds the real ones, and then dies, leaving Edward with scissorhands. Later, an Avon lady discovers Edward, and takes him down into the real world, where he cuts a lot of hair, clips some hedges into cool shapes, falls in love with the Avon lady's daughter, and eventually returns to his former home. It's just the scissors bit that gets me. Why the hell did the inventor put them on in the first place?
- Sneakers: Okay, so it has a silly plot, and lots of stereotypes, and a fairly obvious ending. On the plus side, it has good actors and a lot of funny lines that make up for the idiotic plot. Robert Redford plays Marty Bishop, who leads a team of people (including River Phoenix as the boy genius and Dan Ackroyd as the conspiracy theorist) who are hired to break into buildings to test their security. It's all going swimmingly until Marty's past catched up with him, and a friend he betrayed when he was in college ensnares the team in the middle of his plan to steal a black box that can decode all encrypted documents. It's up to Marty and his team to stop him, and of course, they do. There were a lot of very clever lines in there. Like Marty's comment to the NSA guys, who he doesn't like: "I would have joined the NSA, but my parents were married." Think about it.
- High Fidelity: This movie was brilliant. A thirty-something record store owner gets dumped by his girlfriend, then goes on a crusade to find the top five women responsible for the most painful breakups of his life. John Cusack is really good. The breaking the third wall thing where he talks to the camera is a pretty difficult thing to make work in a movie, but he pulls it off so well. To go slightly off topic, I would like to state that I think John Cusack would make a pretty good Arthur Dent if they ever make the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy into a movie. He'd also be an ideal Wedge Antilles, if there was ever going to be a Rogue Squadron movie (well, I can dream, can't I?).
I don't really watch a lot of TV, but there are three shows that I watch religiously:
- Futurama: I've seen every single episode so far. I like Fry's stupid lines, like: "Look! Another cyclops! This one has five eyes!".
- the Simpsons: Social satire at its best. I know a lot of people see the Simpsons as just a stupid cartoon, but I like it because of the way it irreverently pokes fun at the world.
- the X-Files: I've been hooked on this show since I was in grade seven. My favourite episodes are "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose", "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space'", and "How The Ghosts Stole Christmas".
I like playing games on my computer. Mostly, I play the card game Spider. I also like playing games like King's Quest VI or Monkey Island, where you have to solve lots of small puzzles in order to achieve the end goal. Age of Empires is another good game, where you have to build and guide a civilisation from the stone age to the iron age. Star Wars also shows up again here in my other favourite game, TIE Fighter, which is easier than X-Wing, plus it's just more fun to be the bad guys.
You can e-mail me at DrPyser@tmbg.org. I also show up occasionally on AOL Instant Messenger, where my screen name is DrPyser265. My ICQ number is 54974741, but I rarely use ICQ.
this page is by Crystal Lee Cooper
DrPyser@tmbg.org