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Douglas Adams

I have many many other favourite Douglas Adams quotes, but until I go through the Guide again, I haven't got them all here.

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, that you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
-- "Babel fish" in the Guide

" ... elegant gazelle-like creatures with silken coats and dewy eyes which the Vogons would catch and sit on. They were no use as transport because their backs would snap instantly, but the Vogons sat on them anyway."
-- "The planet Vogsphere" according to the Guide

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm cornered!"
"Yeah," said a voice from under the table, "you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel."
-- Zaphod Beeblebrox and Ford Prefect

Life, the Universe and Everything

"...then we don't stand a whelk's chance in a supernova."
"What's a whelk got to do with a supernova?" said Arthur.
"It doesn't," said Ford levelly, "stand a chance in one."

Only 20 minutes ago he had decided he would go mad, and now here he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa across the field of Prehistoric Earth.
-- Arthur goes mad

Mostly Harmless (the fifth part in the increasingly inaccurately named Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy)

Anything that happens, happens.
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.
Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.
It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though.

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

"... I have a memory like a... like a... what are those things you drain rice in? What am I talking about?"
-- Professor Urban "Reg" Chronotis

"If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, we have to at least consider that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands."
-- Dirk Gently

The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul

He wondered for a moment what it was like to be a whale. Physically, he thought, he was probably well placed to get some good insights, though whales were better adapted for their lives of gliding about in the vast pelagic blueness than he was for his of struggling up the Pentonville Road traffic in a weary old Jaguar - but what he was thinking of, in fact, was the whales' songs. In the past the whales had been able to sing to each other across whole oceans, even from one ocean to another because sound travels such huge distances underwater. But now, again because of the way in which sound travels, there is no part of the ocean that is not constantly jangling with the hubbub of ships' motors, through which it is now virtually impossible for the whales to hear each other's songs or messages.
So fucking what, is pretty much the way that people tend to view this problem, and understandably so, thought Dirk. After all, who wants to hear a bunch of fat fish, oh all right, mammals, burping at each other?
But for a moment Dirk had a sense of infinite loss and sadness that somewhere amongst the frenzy of information noise that daily rattled the lives of men he thought he might have heard a few notes that denoted the movements of gods.
As he turned north into Islington and began the long haul up past the pizza restaurants and estate agents, he felt almost frantic at the idea of what their lives must now be like.
-- Dirk's musing on the gods walking the earth

Lloyd Alexander

The Black Cauldron

"I can't help, ah, adding a little colour to the facts - most facts need it so badly."
-- Fflewddur Fflam

"Since you're leading us," Eilonwy remarked, "I wonder if it would be too much to expect you to know where you're going."
-- Eilonwy to Taran

"My war leader at home has an old wound that gives him a twinge when the weather changes. Very handy, I admit; though it does seem a painful way of foretelling rain. I always think it's easier just to wait, and every kind of weather's bound to come along sooner or later."
-- Fflewddur

"Come along, my ducklings," the enchantress said cheerily. "I promise it won't hurt a bit. You can bring your sword if you want," she added with an indulgent smile at Taran, "though you won't need it. I've never seen a toad with a sword. On the other hand, I've never seen a sword with a toad, so you're welcome to do as you please."
"We please to stay as we are," cried Eilonwy. "Don't think we're going to let anybody..."
"Who are you?" Taran cried. "We have done you no harm. You have no cause to threaten us."
"How many twigs in a bird's nest?" asked the enchantress suddenly. "Answer quickly. There, you see," she added. "Poor chicks, you don't even know that. How could you be expected to know what you really want out of life?"
"One thing I want," retorted Eilonwy, "is not to be a toad."
-- Orddu

"We could block up their chimney and smoke them out," Eilonwy said. "Then one of us could sneak into the cottage. No," she added, "on second thought, I'm afraid anything we might put down their chimney - well - they could very likely put something worse up. Besides, they don't have a chimney, so we shall have to forget that idea."
-- how to steal the Black Crochan

"... as far as being an Assistant Pig-Keeper is concerned, I think you're a perfectly marvellous one. Believe me, there's no question in my mind you're the best Assistant Pig-Keeper in all Prydain. How many others there are, I'm sure I don't know, but that's beside the point."
-- Eilonwy

"He will not succeed in this," Taran said. "Somehow, we must find a way to escape. We dare not lose hope."
"I agree absolutely," Fflewddur answered. "Your general idea is excellent; it's only the details that are lacking. Lose hope? By no means? A Fflam is always hopeful! I intend to go on hoping," he added ruefully, "even when they come and pop me into the Crochan."
-- escape from Morgant

"That's like wondering whether to scratch your head when a boulder's about to fall on it."
-- Eilonwy

The Castle of Llyr

'Tremble!' the quavering voice cried again. 'You shall tremble!'
'Great Belin!' muttered the bard, who was indeed shaking so much he had almost dropped his blade. 'I don't need to be told!'
The giant bent, shaded his white eyes against the light of the bauble, and peered at the companions. 'Are you really trembling?' he asked in an anxious voice. 'You're not doing it just to be obliging?'
-- Glew's cavern

'... I say,' he [Prince Rhun] added, 'it's astonishing, but I wonder what became of all the bats?'
'Why - they're gone!' Taran quickly flashed the golden light around the chamber. 'Every one of them!'
'Yes, yes,' Gurgi cried. 'No more shriekings and squeakings!'
'I can't say I'm unhappy about it,' added the bard. 'I get along well enough with mice, and I've always been fond of birds, but when you put the two together I'd just as soon avoid them.'
'The bats may prove our best friends and surest guides,' Taran said. 'Rhun has struck on something. The bats have found a way out. If we can only discover what it is, we can follow them.'
'Quite so,' answered the bard, making a wry face. 'First thing would be to turn into bats ourselves. Then, I daresay, we should have no difficulties.'
-- escaping from Glew

'If Glew spoke the truth, it comes from a place of enchantments,' Taran said. 'But what can it tell us? I shall not destroy it,' he added, returning the book to his jacket. 'I can't explain; I feel as though I'd touched a secret. It's strange, like a moth that brushes your hand and flutters away again.'
'Ahem,' said Fflewddur, casting a nervous glance at Taran. 'If you insist on carrying the thing with you, would you oblige me - nothing personal, you understand - but I would appreciate it if you'd stay a few paces away.'
-- the book of spells

'Wake up,' Taran cried, shaking her. 'You're dreaming.'
'Why, yes, as a matter of fact I was,' Eilonwy answered, with a vague and sleepy smile. 'But how did you guess? I don't believe dreaming actually shows when you're doing it.' She paused, frowning. 'Or does it? Sometime I shall have to find out. The only way, I suppose, would be to look at myself when I'm asleep. And how I might go about that, I can't imagine.' Her voice faltered and trailed away; she seemed suddenly to forget Taran was even there and sank back to the couch. 'Difficult - difficult,' she murmured. 'Like trying to turn yourself inside out. Or would it be outside in?'
-- enchanted Eilonwy

Taran Wanderer

'These cantrev nobles are much alike, prickly as porcupines one moment and friendly as puppies the next. They all hoard their possessions, yet they can be generous to a fault if the mood strikes them. As for valour, they're no cowards. Death rides in the saddle with them and they count it nothing, and in battle I've seen them gladly lay down their lives for a comrade. At the same time,' he added, 'it's also been my experience, in all my wanderings, that farther from the deed, the greater it grows, and the most glorious battle is the one longest past. So it's hardly surprising how many heroes you run into.'
'Had they harps like mine,' said Fflewddur, warily glancing at his instrument, 'what a din you'd hear from every stronghold in Prydain!'
-- the magic harp

'A Fflam is agile!' Fflewddur panted, ruefully rubbing his back. 'Great Belin, there's not a tree I can't climb - ah, except this one.'
-- ???????????????????????

'I've heard men complain of doing woman's work, and women complain of doing man's work,' ... ' but I've never heard the work complain of who did it, so long as it got done!'
-- Dwyvach the weaver

The High King

'... take this as a gift from a crone to a maiden, and know there is not so much difference between the two. For even a tottering granddan keeps a portion of girlish heart, and the youngest maiden a thread of old woman's wisdom.'
-- Dwyvach the weaver gives Eilonwy a cloak

'You are the oaken staff I lean on,' Taran said. 'More than that.' He laughed. 'You are the whole sturdy tree, and a true warrior.'
Coll, instead of beaming, looked wryly at him. 'Do you mean to honour me?' he asked. 'Then say, rather, I am a true grower of turnips and a gatherer of apples. No warrior whatever, save that I am needed thus for a while.'
-- ?????????????????????????

'Did I shout for victory today?' he whispered hoarsely. 'Small comfort to folk who once befriended me. Have I served them well? The blood of Merin is on my ahnds.'
Later, Llassar spoke apart with Coll. 'The Wanderer has not stirred from the potter's hut,' the shepherd murmured. 'It is harsh enough for each man to bear his own wound. But he who leads bears the woulds of all who follow him.'
-- after the burning of Commot Merin

'I choose what is best for Prydain,' he continued. 'I do not serve Arawn. Is the axe the woodcutter's maser? At the end, it is Arawn who will serve me.'
With horror, Taran listened to the words of Pryderi as he spoke to the High King.
'Lay down your arms. Abandon the weaklings who cling to you for protection. Surrender to me now. Caer Dathyl shall be spared, and yourself, and those I deem worthy to rule with me.'
Math raised his head. 'Is there worse evil?' he said in a low voice, his eyes never leaving Pryderi's. 'Is there worse evil than that which goes in the mask of good?'
-- the treachery of Pryderi

Aaron Allston

X-Wing: Iron Fist

"That's what I like to hear. Acknowledgement of my superoior intellect along with a desire to hurt someone else very badly. It's a good day for me."
-- the legendary Ton Phanan

"Pirates," Piggy said, interrupting. The Gamorrean settled into a stuffed chair situated between Janson's sofa and the bar, near Donos and Castin.
"Pirates to you, too," Phanan said. "Is that a new greeting? Something Gamorrean? 'Scabrous pirates to you this morning.'"
"'And bleeding pirates to you, too.'" Face gave his wingman a formal bow.
-- ????????????????????????? Comment??

Starfighters of Adumar

"If you continue to map the Unknown Regions, you'll have to call them something else."
-- General Wedge Antilles to General Airen Cracken

"Leader, Three. Diplomacy means saying something soothing as you squeeze the trigger, right?"
-- Wes Janson to Wedge Antilles

"There are three types of dress clothing," Hobbie had said. "The kind that offends the wearer, the kind that offends the viewer, and the kind that offends everybody. I'm going for the third type. Fair is fair."
-- Derek "Hobbie" Klivian dresses up

"I still have to figure out what sort of reason to give them for simulated duels," Wedge said. "Something they'll accept within the parameters of their honor code."
"Oh, that's simple," Hobbie said. "Do to them what you do to us at times like that."
Wedge frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Tell them what you're doing but not why. Then let them speculate. Listen to them as they speculate. When they come up with an idea you really, really like, tell them 'You finally guessed right. That was my reasoning all along.'"
"I don't do that," Wedge said. "Much."
"All the time, boss."
-- >???????????????????????????????? comment??

They reached the street. Wedge was struck sideways by a blast of intense light; he stumbled, threw up his sleeve to block the glare. "Sithspit! What's that?"
"That's the sun, Wedge. It's after dawn."
"Well, it offends me. Turn it off."
"It's a hundred thirty, hundred forty million klicks from here."
"Go up in your X-wing and shoot it down for me."
-- Wedge and Janson: the sun often offends me also. Oh, for an X-Wing pilot to take care of it for me...

"That old lack of oxygen thing will get you every time. How much brain damage did you suffer?"
"Wedge..."
"And, more importantly, was it to any of the parts of your brain that you use, or was it in the majority portion?"
-- Wedge to Janson

"... ths mrnng," said the cabinet beside him, its words muffled.
Tomer glanced at it. "What's this?"
"Wt's ths?" said the cabinet.
"Cabinet," Wedge said.
"I know it's a cabinet, but it's talking."
"... ts tlkng," said the cabinet.
"Oh, that," said Janson. "It's the Cartaan Minister of Crawling Into Very Small Spaces."
Tycho nodded. "He bet Wedge that he could fold himself into that cabinet, around the shelves and all.
Hobbie finally found his voice, though it was gravelly from lost sleep. "Never bet against Wedge," he said. "The minsiter gets to stay there until he admits that it was a stupid bet and Wedge doesn't owe him anything."
-- Whitecap the droid (inside the cabinet) causes some confusion

"Have you ever thought about sleeping, boss?"
Wedge grinned. "Which is, exactly, what?"
"Sort of like being shot until you're unconscious, except there's no bacta, and you often end up feeling better than when you started."
-- ?????????????????????????? comment?

"You lied to me," Hobbie said.
"I did," Wedge said. "With my brilliant achievements in the diplomatic profession has come the realization that lies can be powerful motivators."
"My faith is shattered."
-- Wedge and Hobbie

Lewis Carroll

BookTitle????

Quote here...
-- Person...

Susan Cooper

BookTitle????

Quote here...
-- Person...

Neil Gaiman

Good Omens (with Terry Pratchett)

"You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say."
-- Aziraphale the angel

Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole.
-- Witchfinder army leader Sergeant Shadwell

Voodoo is a very interesting religion for the whole family, even those members of it who are dead.

If you take the small view, the universe is just something small and round, like those water-filled balls which produce a miniature snowstorm when you shake them. Although, unless the ineffable plan is a lot more ineffable than it's given credit for, it does not have a large plastic snowman at the bottom.
-- ?????????????????????? comment??

"You're Hells Angels, then? What chapter are you from?"
REVELATIONS, CHAPTER SIX.
-- Death in conversation with a biker

"James Bond just unscrews things," said Anathema.
"Not just unscrews," said Newt, his temper fraying. "And I'm not," zhip, "James Bond. If I was," whizzle, "the bad guys would have shown me all the megadeath levers and told me how they bloody well worked, wouldn't they?" Fwizzpt. "Only it doesn't happen like that in real life! I don't know what's happening, and I can't stop it."
-- Anathema Device and Newt Pulsifer try to stop Armageddon

They'd been brought up to it and weren't, when you got right down to it, particularly evil. Human beings mostly aren't. They just get carried away by new ideas, like dressing up in jackboots and shooting people, or dressing up in white sheets and lynching people, or dressing up in tie-dye jeans and playing guitars at people. Offer people a new creed with a costume and their hearts and minds will follow.
-- the Satanist nuns

Smoke and Mirrors

I was trying to imagine the very last book of the Bible.
And on the subject of naming animals, can I just say how delighted I was recently to dicover that the word 'yeti', literally translated, apparently means 'that thing over there'. ('Quick, brave Himalayan Guide - what's that thing over there?'
'Yeti.'
'Gosh, really?')
-- introduction to "In The End"

Avaunt, foul beast, I said.
He stared at me with eyes that glittered like two crack pipes.
Avaunt? Shit, boy. Who's going to make me?
Me, I quipped. I am.
I'm one of the avaunt guard.
-- Lawrence Talbot and the Bay Wolf, "Bay Wolf"

'All his dreams have come to this: a lonely death upon a distant cliff.'
I will dream if I want to, I said, and my death is my own affair. But I was unsure if I had said it out loud.
-- Madame Ezekiel and Lawrence Talbot, "Only the End of the World Again"

This is my body, he said, two thousand years ago. This is my blood.
It was the only religion that delivered exactly what it promised: life eternal, for its adherents.
There are some of us alive today who remember him. And some of us claim that he was a messiah, and some think that he was just a man with very special powers. But that misses the point. Whatever he was, he changed the world.
-- 5. The Pope, "Fifteen Painted Cards from a Vampire Tarot"

The Sandman: Fables and Reflections

"Your son's head is valuable to you, and I am attached to mine. Indeed, hitherto we have been inseparable."
-- Lady Johanna Constantine, Thermidor

C.S. Lewis

BookTitle????

Quote here...
-- Person...

Perelandra

I suppose every one knows this fear of getting "drawn in" - the moment at which a man realises that what had seemed mere speculations are on the point of landing him in the Communist Party or the Christian Church - the sense that a door has just slammed and left him on the inside.
-- Person...

To think that the spectre you see is an illusion does not rob him of his terrors: it simply adds the further terror of madness itself - and then on top of that the horrible surmise that those whom the rest of us call mad have, all along, been the only people who see the world as it really is.
-- Person...

My fear was now of another kind. I felt sure that the creature was what we call "good," but I wasn't sure whether I liked "goodness" so much as I had supposed. This is a very terrible experience. As long as what you are afraid of is something evil, you may still hope that the good will come to your rescue. But suppose you struggle through to the good and find that it is also dreadful? How if food itself turns out to be the very thing you can't eat, and home the very place you can't live, and your very comforter the person who makes you uncomfortable? Then, indeed, there is no rescue possible: the last card has been played.
-- Person...

"Do you feel quite happy about it?" said I, for a sort of horror was beginning once more to creep over me.
"If you mean, Does my reason accept the view that he will (accidents apart) deliver me safe on the surface of Perelandra? - the answer is Yes," said Ransom. "If you mean, Do my nerves and my imagination respond to this view? - I'm afraid the answer is No. One can believe in an�sthetics and yet feel in a panic when they put the mask over your face. I think I feel as a man who believes in the future life feels when he is taken out to face a firing party. Perhaps it's good practice."
-- Person...

I was questioning him on the subject [of the voyage to Venus] - which he doesn't often allow - and had incautiously said, "Of course I realise it's all rather too vague for you to put into words," when he took me up rather sharply, for such a patient man, by saying, "On the contrary, it is words that are vague. The reason why the thing can't be expressed is that it's too definite for language."
-- Person...

If the Lady were to be kept in obedience only by the forcible removal of the Tempter, what was the use of that? What would it prove? And if the temptation were not a proving or testing, why was it allowed to happen at all? Did Maleldil suggest that our own world might have been saved if the elephant had accidentally trodden on the serpent a moment before Eve was about to yeild? Was it as easy and un-moral as that? The thing was patently absurd!
-- Person...

He determined to give up guessing how the time was going. "The only safe answer," he told himself, "is to think of the earliest hour you can supose possible, and then assume the real time is two hours earlier than that."
-- Person...

That Hideous Strength

"Damn it all," continued Feverstone, "no man likes to have his stock in trade taken away. What would poor Curry, here, do if the Die-hards one day all refused to do any Die-harding? Othello's occupation would be gone."
-- Person...

"That's just the point. You'll hear people like Curry and James burbling away about the 'war' againt reaction. It never enters their heads that it might be a real war with real casualties. They think the violent resistance of the other side ended with the persecution of Galileo and all that. But don't believe it. It is just seriously beginning. They know now that we have at last got real powers; that the question of what humanity is going to be is going to be decided in the next sixty years. They're going to fight every inch. They'll stop at nothing."
"They can't win," said Mark.
"We'll hope not," said Lord Feverstone. "I think they can't. That is why it is of such immense importance to each of us to choose the right side. If you try to be neutral you become simply a pawn."
-- Person...

He concluded by suggesting that they should all stand in silence for one minute as a token of respect for the memory of William Hingest.
And they did - a world-without-end minute in which odd creakings and breathings became audible, and behind the mask of each glazed and tight-lipped face, shy, irrelevant thoughts of this and that came creeping out as birds and mice creep out again in the clearing of a wood when the picnickers have gone, and everyone silently assured himself that he, at least, was not being morbid and not thinking about death.
-- Person...

The thing you fear is impossible. Well and good. Can you therefore cease to fear it? Not here and now. And what then? If you must see ghosts, it is better not to disbelieve in them.
-- Person...

"Oh," said Wither, "there is nothing I should more deeply deplore. Scientific examination (I cannot allow the word Torture in this context) in cases where the patient doesn't know the answer is always a fatal mistake."
-- Person...

Ransom shook his head. "You do not understand," he said. "The poison was brewed in these West lands but it has spat itself everywhere by now. However far you went you would find the machines, the crowded cities, the empty thrones, the false writings, the barren beds: men maddened with false promises and soured with true miseries, worshipping the iron works of their own hands, cut off from Earth their mother and from the Father in Heaven. You might go East so far that East became West and you returned to Britain, but even so you would not have come out anywhere into the light. The shadow of one dark wing is all over Tellus."
-- Person...

... mixed with this was the sense that she had been manoeuvered into a false position. It ought to have been she who was saying these things to the Christians. Hers ought to have been the vivid, perilous world brought against their grey formalised one; hers the quick, vital movements and theirs the stained glass attitudes. That was the antithesis she was used to. This time, in a flash of purple and crimson, she remembered what stained glass was really like.
-- Person...

... Feverstone, not much hurt but a good deal shaken, climbed out of the stolen car. That car had ended its course upside down in a deep ditch, and Feverstone, always ready to look on the bright side, reflected as he extricated himself that things might have been worse - it might have been his own car.
-- Person...